so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you traded sex for a burrito?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize