Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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