Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
