come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
