I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
