Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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