i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My life is pants optional.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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