What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
