i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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