i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
