I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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