we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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