my room smells like sperm. sweet.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize