Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
