pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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