The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
