So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
