I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
