Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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