What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Too much gin, very little bucket
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
