How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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