i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
