He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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