sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
