I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
