The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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