He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
