So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize