So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize