pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
