Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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