I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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