you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
