No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
