Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
