i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
