he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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