Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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