The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
