i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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