i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
