Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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