Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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