Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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