Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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