oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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