answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
