Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
