Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
