A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
