Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We got so high we made milksteak
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
