Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
