she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
