someone threw a dead crab at me
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We were destined to go to rehab together
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
