i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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