She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
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