i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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