I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize