Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
