I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
