I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
