it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
