So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
