His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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