There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
