Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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