I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
